Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Big One
Last night one of our local news stations had a half an hour program about earthquakes. Apparently the area where we live hasn't had a large earthquake in a long time. So, we're due. We basically live on the San Andreas Fault. So, I watched this show... and I did glean a few important things. But mostly, I learned how to put on a news show about earthquakes. Here are a few things I thought you should know about this very important subject:
  • If you're going out to visit a fault like - drive a Hummer. Then, at least if there is a huge quake and the earth swallows you, you'll look cool.
  • Use dramatic banjo music when talking about Southern California. Betcha didn't know they HAD dramatic banjo music, did ya?!
  • Use really bad camera work to simulate what it will look like if you have an earthquake.
  • Use scare tactics by talking about all the CHILDREN who have DIED in earthquakes
  • Did you know that San Diego and Los Angeles will be neighboring cities... in 15 million years. I love it when scientists make predictions that NO ONE living today will live to see. I guess they can never be proven wrong that way...
  • Scientists make bets on earthquakes
  • Did you know they have quakes on the moon? They are called: MOON QUAKES
  • When the earth starts to shake, it will be too late to prepare.
  • Preparation will either help you or kill you.
  • If there aren't any BIG earthquakes in the recent past... go back a couple hundred years and talk about the big quake of 1609... yeah...
  • Find some insane person to talk about the BEAUTY of a fault line.
  • And now, my favorite quote from the evening: "Get some action on the seismograph"

So, as you can see, all in all it was a very informative half an hour. Good thing I had a Hershey's bar to keep me company...


mcewen said...

we have an earthquake awareness week at the start of school every year. The first year we were here, I was quaking too!

Tracey said...

I can't imagine. I have a hard enough time with tornadoes.

Anonymous said...

Well at lest you are now informed on how to put on a cheesy news quack… uh I mean quake show and isn’t your life so much better because of it!! Ha..ha..ha

I am glad that you had good company for a while to help you though this very interesting informative show!

Well even though you are “due” for one I hope that if it does have to happen that it is a small one. Do you have a seismograph so you can see if you “get some action”?

Jean Knee said...

That was such a perfect post; I can find no fault in it.

my seismograph cant get no satisfaction

elasticwaistbandlady said...

What do you care about earthquakes? Everybody knows that California is going to fall into the ocean one day for being a den of iniquity. I think I heard that prediction on The 700 Club with Pat Robertson.

Amber said...

Elasticwaistbandlady stole the words right out of my mouth. :-)

Jessica said...

OMGosh, I can't believe you didn't win the whole election thing-y, you totaly should have, I like tried to vote two times for you but it like totally wouldn't let me! You will steal it next year! Stay cool, you ROCK! Have a awsome summer!

My best impression of a high school year book signing!
Serious I did think you were going to win!

Justine said...

1609, eh? Sounds like you're due... They keep telling us the same thing here, and we live about 1/2 a mile from the fault line. I'm banking on the underutilized theory that the closer you live to the fault line the safer you'll be (the quake, of course, rippling ever stronger as it ripples out from the fault).

Nice theory, huh? I'm holding fast to it.

diana said...

i used to live in southern cali and have experienced many quakes. i kinda miss them - the little ones, that is.

and now that i think about it, it has been some time since there has been a big one. hope you're prepared ;)

B said...

Hi, Melissa
Just found your blog thru jean knee at Put Some Polka Dots On It. I too live in So. Calif. and I'd rather live here taking a chance on "The Big One" than to live somewhere else where they have tornadoes on a regular basis or hurricanes! My theory is, if you live thru the shaking, you pretty much know if you've survived or not. And if we fall off into the ocean, so much the better. I've always wanted to live on an island!
:D Brenda

Kimberly said...

First time here - just wanted to say you're hilarious and I'm coming back for sure!