Have you ever had a picture in your mind of "this is how my life will be"? And then... well, then reality sets in. And reality is nothing like the picture you have...
Little Bug will turn 8 this year. This is the age that most LDS children are baptized. It's the age Red was when he was baptized last year. Family flew in. Friends came by. Members of our church came to support our family and our son in his commitment.
But, Little Bug has autism. He can't talk, so we aren't sure what he does and doesn't understand. Therefore, he can't make covenants, which means, there won't be a baptism. And my heart is breaking. I knew this was coming up, but the other day we got an invitation to an orientation meeting for all the kids getting baptized this year. It was like someone slapped me.
There will be no special day. No white clothes. No family and friends gathered to celebrate. There will be a meeting with the Bishop where we will ask for Little Bug to be listed as "unaccountable". It's gut wrenching to think about. He won't start Cub Scouts this year. He won't be in the 2nd grade this fall. And, he won't be baptized.
I beg your forgiveness in advance. This will not be an easy year for me. I know that maybe, someday, he might be baptized. But this is a milestone that we should reach this year and instead it will be passed by.
It's just not what I had pictured...