Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Picture Perfect?
Have you ever had a picture in your mind of "this is how my life will be"? And then... well, then reality sets in. And reality is nothing like the picture you have...
Little Bug will turn 8 this year. This is the age that most LDS children are baptized. It's the age Red was when he was baptized last year. Family flew in. Friends came by. Members of our church came to support our family and our son in his commitment.
But, Little Bug has autism. He can't talk, so we aren't sure what he does and doesn't understand. Therefore, he can't make covenants, which means, there won't be a baptism. And my heart is breaking. I knew this was coming up, but the other day we got an invitation to an orientation meeting for all the kids getting baptized this year. It was like someone slapped me.
There will be no special day. No white clothes. No family and friends gathered to celebrate. There will be a meeting with the Bishop where we will ask for Little Bug to be listed as "unaccountable". It's gut wrenching to think about. He won't start Cub Scouts this year. He won't be in the 2nd grade this fall. And, he won't be baptized.
I beg your forgiveness in advance. This will not be an easy year for me. I know that maybe, someday, he might be baptized. But this is a milestone that we should reach this year and instead it will be passed by.
It's just not what I had pictured...

16 comments:

Holly said...

Oh Melissa. I wish I knew what to say or had some great, profound answer for you. I don't. But my heart is with you and just know that I care and I know why this so hard for you.

Summer said...

I'm sorry but I don't fully understand this post. Is there a prior post you can refer me to? Does little Bug have a condition that makes him unable to communicate in any manner?

In any case I'm so very sorry for your heartache.

Yvonne said...

Oh, Melissa, you know my heart is breaking right along with you. I understand exactly how you feel, and I know there are no words that can be offered that will help with your heartache. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tonya said...

Well, first of all, here's a big hug ((((((((Melissa))))))) I wish it could be in "real" life.

I do understand about things not being what you had pictured. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I wish I had some words that would help but please know that even now I pray for you.

Lauren said...

I am so sorry, (((((Hugs)))))) I know that eveything will work out, because the Lord doesn't leave us alone...he comforts us, especially through our toughest times. I will pray for you :)

MAGIRK said...

Oh, sweetheart! That made me cry. My heart goes out to you.

What a tough thing to have to experience. The pain a parent feels for a child is unlike anything! I wish I knew what to say. I just hope and pray that God will send you peace, and maybe understanding someday.

My thoughts and prayers and love are with you!

diana said...

i'm so sorry. it's obvious how upsetting this is for you. you will have to go through the process of grieving as it is a loss to you. my prayers are with you. {{hugs}}

tracy m said...

I'm so sorry Melissa.

Nancy Face said...

I am so sorry. I cannot say I understand how you feel, but I do understand that this is very painful for you, and I care very much about your feelings. I will pray for you. Here is a big hug!
(((((MELISSA)))))

JustRandi said...

I'm so sorry, Melissa. I hate that you have to go through this.
((((Hugs)))

Tharker said...

Melissa, I am so sorry. It is so hard to sit back and watch our own vision of how we saw things unfolding not unfold at all.

But here's the beauty in this situation. Heavenly Father knows Little Bug best. And he knows his heart and his mind. He knows that Little Bug is a strong and valiant son of God. He has a plan for him, even if we're not able to see it or understand it fully right now. Trust in Heavenly Father's love for Little Bug and for YOU. You have no need to ask for forgiveness from us. If this is a hard year for you, so be it. Even though it will be hard, I am sure that you will learn many lessons from this struggle and grow from each of them. You are an amazing mom, and I know that Heavenly Father sent your Little Bug to YOU for a reason. He knows you and he knows you can do this.

PRP said...

I'm so sorry. But trust in Tharker, she's good at stuff like this!

Dedee said...

I'm so sorry. There's not much more to say!

Eve said...

wow Melissa I feel like such a selfish girl for drowning in my own sorrows on my side of the internet.
I'm crying with you.
i take comfort in the fact that you have a wonderful husband like mine, that will let you cry.

Tammy and Parker said...

Big warm hugs coming your way girlfriend.

Tracey said...

I don't know much about LDS, but isn't there any other way to receive baptism in your church? He can't receive sacraments in any way? It really doesn't seem fair...

I'm sorry, hon. Not having a child like Little Bug, I can't picture all of the big and small milestones that must pass him (and you) by. Hugs to you...