Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Selfish
I haven't posted twice in one day for a long time. I just had to get this out of my head and onto ...um... the screen. I was going to say "onto paper" but, uh, that doesn't really work, now does it?
I was sitting here at my computer having a little pity party for myself over something really stupid. When I say "really stupid" I mean REALLY STUPID. I pulled up my blog and turned my play list on hoping that the music would put me in a better mood.
"Stand" by Rascal Flatts came on. This was one of the songs that I listened to this last spring when my friend passed away. It hit me like a ton of bricks: this will be their first holiday season without her. I think of her four boys and her husband and suddenly the stupidity of my own insignificant problem is intensified.
I have so much to be thankful for. I'm not going to waste any more time feeling sorry for myself. It's not worth it. None of us know how long we will have on this earth. Can we really afford to use our time worrying about our own little problems? There are too many out there who need us. Starting with our families.
It's so easy for me to hide behind my computer. To answer my kids questions as I clickty clack on my lovely little keyboard. I've buried myself in my writing. The characters in my story have become more important than the people in my life. I look at my kids and wonder, "What will they remember?"
Will they remember the times I do play with them? Probably not. Because those times are short and not often enough. Will they remember me sitting at the computer or reading books? Probably. Why? Because that's what they see me do. This is not what I want my kids to think back on and recall.
I know this is a rambling post. My emotions are all jumbled up and I feel a tad overwhelmed at the moment. Hopefully as I get my priorities straight, my feelings will sort themselves out.
If you think about it, would you pray for the Gasaway family? I'm sure they could use it about right now.

13 comments:

kailani said...

I wrestle with this dilemma all the time. However, I just keep blogging away . . .

Yvonne said...

Time is such a precious commodity--it's all about finding balance. We all get caught up in our own little problems sometimes. Hang in there.

JustRandi said...

That is one of my very favorite songs. It always makes me feel like I can do things.
You are great, Melissa.

wynne said...

Rats. Those poor kids...

wynne said...

Now I'm sad.

And writing and priorities and kids...it'll all work out. It might even be a good thing for your kids to look back and remember that their mom liked to read and write, and took time to develop talents 'n' stuff.

Nancy Face said...

The stinkin' computer is always calling out, "Come spend time with ME!"

It does cause dilemmas! :S

Adena and Greg said...

it's so hard to find a balance between it all. the hardest part is that it's different for each one of us. we all just have to do what we feel is best.

Tonya said...

It's hard to strike a balance for sure. Don't beat yourself up to much because you are a great mom and I'm guessing that is what your kids will remember, how much their mom loved them.

Magirk said...

Prayers and thoughts going out to them.

Beautiful thoughts, M.

I'm feeling particularly grateful these days.

Beth said...

Thanks for the reminder about the Gassaways. We all worry about our kids and what they'll remember most about us. I guess it's good we really care about that, isn't it?

kayla said...

I love your blog, I only wish you the best and I hope all is going well, I some how found you looking for things on our sons condition but either way I always enjoy meeting new blogger friends god bless.

Tracey said...

I hear ya. The little stuff WILL build up and we WILL get frustrated. It's a part of life. But letting the little stuff take such an important part in our life is wrong.

My love for your friend's family, this season and the rest of the years they have to live without her...

Amber said...

It's all about balance but I do find I'm waaaaay too hard on myself. And I am sure it is the same with you! Look at your life, find out the reasonable areas for lapses and make up for them. It will make you so many happier in the end!