Yesterday I blew my top. And the words that spilled from my mouth were like molten lava. They burned a scorched everyone that got in my way. It was a humbling moment when I walked down the hall and heard Baby Girl yelling at her toys saying the exact words I had just said to her. I got so caught up in my feelings that I let it overflow to those around me. I'm tired of house work. No, tired isn't the right word. You see, I am a person who loves projects. BUT, those projects need to have a beginning, middle, and an end for me to feel satisfied with the outcome. Housework isn't like that. It's a circle. For example - I finished the laundry yesterday. Spent the entire day washing, folding, putting away. And then when everyone got in their pajamas last night they threw their clothes into the hampers - meaning that I didn't FINISH the laundry. There was no end. I got the dishes done, then we had lunch - more dishes. We got the toys cleaned up, then the kids wanted them back out to play. I'm really struggling with the fact that there just isn't an end. There is no real finished product. It makes me frustrated and at times, angry.
I apologized to the kids and tried to make it up to them. Red was already at school when it happened, so he was safe. I took a magazine to Little Bug that was from the San Diego Zoo. It was full of pictures from the Wild Animal Park of the 4 baby elephants that have been born there in the last 3 years. He loves elephants! We sat and looked at the pictures and said "elephant" for each picture and then giggled. Baby Girl and I spent some time together after Little Bug went to school. I painted her toes a lovely shade of sparkly blue and we watched a PBS cartoon together. We giggled and had a lot of fun. I just wish I could have done those things for fun and not as an apology.
So, how do you get through your housework? How do you find joy in it and not let it become drudgery? Any ideas how I can feel accomplished with this? I just want to feel like what I do matters. And right now, it doesn't. Plus, I can't blow my top like that every time I'm frustrated with folding laundry... suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
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