Just Keep Swimming
I've rewritten this post a few times. Okay, so maybe more than a few! I'm just kind of at a loss and a little bit overwhelmed right now.
You see, yesterday we had a meeting to discuss Little Bug's goals and testing results with the school. Now, we get to go to quite a few meetings for my little guy, but this is the one that I dread the most. This is the one where they let me know just how far behind he is. This is the one where they let me know that my 8 year old is functioning on a 2-5 year old level. And in some areas it's even lower than that. It's never fun to have another person point out areas where your child may be lacking. But it's one thing to have a person give their opinion on what they think is wrong. It's another to have a set of professionals (psychologist, speech therapist, behavioral therapist, teacher...) sit down with test results in black and white to illustrate each and every area where your child is struggling. He has made progress and I'm thankful for that. But sometimes it's hard to see those steps forward because they are usually microscopic.
And after these meetings I always wonder... what more can I do? And then, of course, the guilt comes rushing through me because there is always MORE I could do. I start a list that is not unlike the one given to me by the school. I'm lacking in so many areas. And as I continue to pile things up, I begin to feel more and more desparate for solutions. But each solution seems to bring with it another mountain of problems and soon I'm feeling suffocated and overwhelmed. Because, really, how can I do everything I need to do for each of my kids (especially Little Bug) and keep myself in a sane and happy place? I'm starting to wonder if it can be done.
And so I sit. Paralyzed by the vast amount of things that I should be accomplishing. And in the end? I've done nothing and everything in my life suffers and then my guilt list grows.
I think my biggest problem right now is knowing where to start. I have to move a mountain and I feel as though I've been given a teaspoon to do it with. So, how do you tackle the mountains in your life? How do you keep moving forward even though your progress doesn't really seem like progress? Does anyone else feel this way? Or is it just me... and Marissa?