First of all... the blog is REALLY close to looking the way I want it. I wanted to change the belt to this little wavy line thing, but every time I mess with the widget HTML, Blogger gives me an error message. I'll try again today. **update...fixed it! FINALLY!!** I did finally get the backgrounds the way I wanted them. If you came here within the first few moments of my messing with it, then you would have seen yellows, oranges, teals, olive greens, and pinks. I'm sure that somewhere a rainbow was weeping.
Anyway, yesterday turned out to be... well, I don't know what yesterday was. One of my best friends from high school had a tragedy in her life. Her younger brother committed suicide. I knew this kid. Their family grew up just across the street from us. He was the typical little brother who did his best to bug us whenever he could. We, in turn, tormented him. As we grew up the teasing continued on both sides, but never in a mean way. I joked with him and he tried to get his big sister's friends to laugh. I remember seeing him at a gas station a couple of years ago and we visited for awhile. He was a good kid.
Fast forward to now... he was 28. A husband. A dad. Yesterday he found enough reasons to take his own life. And no one has any idea why.
I was pretty out of it yesterday. By the evening I just wanted something mind numbing to do. I played video games. But that wasn't enough to stop the wheels in my brain from spinning. Why would he do this? What was his thinking? Were things really so bad? Why? Why? Why? The truth is, I don't know his demons. I can't judge him or his actions. I don't know what he was dealing with. But I did have a thought that struck me...
I can't understand why anyone would take their own life because I can look around and find enough reasons to live. For whatever reason, he could no longer see those things. We have our troubles and I may whine and complain, but overall, the good overshadows my life in a really big way. And for that, I am truly grateful.
My heart goes out to this family. They have been amazing friends to me and my family through the years. I can't be there with them right now and that makes me crazy. I want to hug them and try to give comfort somehow. But I'm over 900 miles away. For now the only thing I can do is make a few phone calls, send a card with my love, pray for them, and hope that somehow, it's enough.